CHAPTER ONE TO MY NEW EBOOK~COMING SOON~ "JUST LIKE CANDY"

CHAPTER ONE

I guess you could say my life is an emotional rollercoaster..More, like an emotional wreck. Imagine this: Buying a car for little or nothing, in hopes it could get you from point "A" to point "B" and at first everything is great? The "AC" works, brakes are good, windows work and you have no complaints. About a week later, the engine blows and u realize it will take more money to fix it then u could have ever imagined and so u trash it! Yea, thats my life. Thrown out like last weeks leftovers because mending my broken pieces would be almost impossible. Tragedy after tragedy. Growing up in the ghetto remembering only bottles of wine and beer cans as the imagine of my mother and the back of my fathers head as a faint memory of him. They say as children we remember only the important or impacting moments of our lives before the age of 5 or 6. I can actually remember turning 4, it was the turning point of my perfect little life.Slowly corrupting and decaying leaving a canyon of pain in my heart. Within a year, my mom had become a full time alcoholic. She didn’t care too much about what happened to her, let alone anyone else. Night after night I would listen to her boyfriend beat on her after a few too many drinks and altercations with his wife. In return, her anger was taken out on me. I missed many days of school because she didn’t want anyone to see the scars. She would always tell me she was sorry the next day, Sometimes she would even ask me what happened. I didn’t understand back then. I blamed it on him. His name was Ray. He was a real bastard. He had deep sunken in eyes that were always bloodshot red. Large tattoos on his neck and arms and always smelled like the bar. He called himself, "Big Daddy Ray" Although I was young, I always felt uneasy about the way he would look at me. I would tell my mom that I didn’t like him too much. Her response would always be, " Oh child hush, don’t nobody want you". I remember when his looks became hugs. His hugs became kisses. His kisses became touches. His touches became nightmares. Constant torment was what my young life had become..
It was about 7 or 8pm and my mom hadn’t come to pick me up from my baby sitters house. Ms. Yvonne was her name. She was sweet. I sometimes wished I could stay with her. I guess she had called my mother a few too many times because she finally gave up and called Ray. I didn’t know it until his perverted ass walked up to me while I was playing outside and said, "Hey pretty lady, Big daddy Ray came to pick up his sweet thang". I silently begged Ms. Yvonne to let me stay but she had things of her own to get done. I looked out the window of his raggedy 87' Cadillac like I was being hauled off to prison. I knew what was coming. I just remember calling out to my mom until he put his huge hands over my mouth. He said " Scream again and I'll make it hurt worse. Just relax. Relax." So I did. I let my mind take me to another world where I didn’t have to cry. There was blood everywhere. It was even on my tinker bell comforter. My tears nearly turned into blood on my cheek. Time and time again I would tell my mother. It either went ignored or I got her same tired ass response. " Oh child hush, don’t nobody want you.” I know I caught her at the wrong time once because she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, " Candy, you gotta grow up someday. Don’t worry about it. Just go to bed." Then she passed out. As my mom threw her life away, my hope, my dreams, my faith and my happiness left with them.
I was physically abused for about 4 years. When I was about to turn 11, I knew that enough was enough. I packed my shit and left. I don’t even remember anyone looking for me. I ran away and met up with a girl named Melody. She was a run away too. She was 16 and the bitch was bad. We stayed here and there. No where specific. She took me under her wings. She was beautiful too. Light brown complexion and green eyes. Her hair was just like an old skool afro. Just natural. And boy was she smart! Maybe not school smart but she damn sure was street smart. She knew the game. Melody had allot of boyfriends or as she would call it "guy friends". Her main man though was Marcus. He was her 37 year old sugar daddy. He loved him some Melody. She was music to his ears. She called me her street sistah. She looked out for me and never let me get into any shit. I was hands off. And when her niggaz broke her off some money. They broke me off some money. If any guy wanted to get with her, she would lay out the rules.
No Money.
No Car.
No Job.
No Pussy.
She would laugh, but she was dead ass. And she always got her way. "Suckaz." She would call them. I don’t know what she did when she was behind closed doors, but she worked it. It was never a hit and quit either. The guys actually seemed interested and would fight over her. Marcus was the best though. He kept both of us tight. The finest clothes, shoes, jewelry, the works. He was a cool cat. He would sit back and talk to us about his life. How he grew up in an orphanage. Blah,blah,blah. Not trying to be rude or nothing, but the nigga was doing a 16 year old. Melody always said " A nigga aint got to know ur whole life, Give them bits and pieces. For all anyone knows, I’m 19 years old." So I guess I couldn’t blame him. Whatever I guess. Hell, he looked out for us. By the end of that year I knew more about the streets than my own family.
When I turned 15, Melody and I went to a rave, with Marcus as our escort. We stayed out from about 10 pm till 4 am. I had never been out to a party that long. Melody wouldn’t let me so this night I felt like a "big girl". Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen though. Everyone was leaving the rave when I heard a guy and girl arguing from a distance. I walked towards the confrontation to get a better peek. It was outside of a local convenient store. The guy was banging on the window of a beat down Buick screaming.
" Imma kill you bitch! You done fucked up now. Imma kill you. " I walked a little closer but by this time their was a huge crowd gathering. I creped to the front to get a better view. The woman got out of the car to try and calm the man. Things hushed for a few minutes and just as the crowd started to dissipate, shots rang out and then a scream. Just as I ran the opposite way I heard a woman scream.
"Sandra! No! What did yall do? Sandra!" I stopped dead in my tracks. I turned slowly and walked back towards the store.
" Call the police, Call 911" Voices came from everywhere. The closer I walked the slower time fell, and the voices became muffled. Just within arms reach I dropped to my knees.
"Mom?" I felt pressure in my chest. "What’s happening? Mommy?" Tears fell like a waterfall as I held her hand and she held mine. Trembling. Blood was coming from her nose and mouth. I felt like a child again.
She struggled to speak.
"My baby, I've been praying that I would find you so I could tell you that im sorry and I love you." I didn’t want her to speak. I told her that it was okay and to calm down and take it easy. She said that she was tired of living the way she did and released her grasp. My world must have been spinning too fast because when I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.
Melody and Marcus were at my side. I wondered what had happened and if it were all a dream. They reassured me that it wasn’t. Melody told me that my mom was an innocent by-stander at the time of the shooting and was pronounced dead at the scene but was revived and now in the trauma center. I cried both in pain and in joy. Seems like she was given a second chance. I was released about 4 hours later and taken to Marcus's house. I stayed in bed for about a week. Just laid there. I visited my moms lifeless body every week for about 8 months. If I didn’t have a ride, I would catch 3 buses there and back. When she finally gained consciousness, She would refuse my visits. The doctors said she didn’t want me to see her like that. As if seeing her drunk off her ass was any better. Maybe that was just her way of telling me to move on. I slid her notes and letters, here and there. But I felt like I needed to move on.
It was my 17th birthday and Melody and one of her guy friends named Jerry threw me a big birthday bash. Marcus was there but he didn’t cause any trouble. I was surprised being that Melody's ole' rude ass was tounge'n and feeling on jerry all in his face. He was cool though. Shit'n me. The party was great. We drank and danced the night away. Melody had to be all corny and bring the cake out while singing happy birthday. The cake was slamming though. It read" The sister I never had, and can't get rid of. Happy 18th birthday Candy." I grabbed Melody's arm.
"Bitch I aint 18." She winked.
"Niggaz aint got to know ur whole life. Plus the streets put a year on you." That girl was a mess. I laughed and blew the candles out. Just then, god must have shinned down on me because for a second I thought I saw an angel. Dark skinned brother about 5'11. His eyes were penetrating. He had dimples and a stunning smile. What was most appealing was his deep and sexy voice with a slight Jamaican accent. His name was Deon. When he walked towards Jerry I could have sworn he was staring right into my soul. He introduced himself but I forgot my name.
" This is Candace." Melody Chuckled. When I found the words to say, we hit it off. We talked for about an hour before we departed with exchanged numbers. Deon and Jerry headed off in one direction and Melody, Marcus and Myself headed off the another. While they sat in the front seat bickering about respect and what-not, I was waiting on my phone to ring.
I woke up the next morning with the phone in my hand disappointed about not receiving a phone call until I saw my message light blinking.
"So happy we met, cant wait to see you again. DEON." I almost jumped out of my skin. I called him after I took a shower and he asked if he could come pick me up. I agreed. We went to a nice park and talked. At least, he did. I pretty much listened and admired. He kept asking me what was wrong, but I couldn’t answer the question. I thought it would feel good to share emotions and thoughts with someone I was interested in, instead I closed myself, my feeling. After weeks went by I started to wonder why he stayed around, when I became more like a zombie than a girlfriend. He said he felt that I was special and that he wanted to stay. Everyday that passed by made me want to open up to him, but I hesitated. 6 months had passed and we never even shared a kiss. I thought he would give up on me but he didn’t. I had to do something before he did.
One Evening I invited him over to talk. I had set up dinner for two on the rooftop of Marcus's condo. I wanted to talk and maybe get him to understand me, to let him know how much I cared. When he arrived I led him to the rooftop with a blindfold on.
"Surprise." I shouted. He was shocked that I would even show this much affection. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to embrace me, but he didn’t afraid of rejection. We sat by the candle light and talked about our lives. I told him about my past and he felt my pain. He asked if he could hold me for the first time. I said nothing, just leaned in to let him know it was okay. The way he held me was so warm, so loving, so pure. At that moment, I forgot my pain. Tears trickled down my cheek releasing fear and sadness from inside. I looked at him as he stared into the moonlight. I wiped the tears from his chin. Somehow it seemed as if he took all of my pain to bare as his own.
" I need you to trust that I wont hurt you. If I could take all of your hurt I would. I cant help but think that god made you for me. I Think I love you Candace." Before I could respond, he cut me off. " Just because I say I love you doesn’t mean you have to say it back. Say it when you mean it, say it when you’re ready." He looked down at me and kissed my forehead." My girl." I don’t know what came over me but I grabbed him and kissed him so passionately that he pulled back just to make sure it was me. We spent the whole night cuddling under the stars exchanging thoughts and kisses, kisses and thoughts.
Before we knew it, the sun was starting to shine out from the nights cast. " I want to make this work, I know it because my heart is telling me so. I want to move past the little frightened girl I used to be." It was almost as if I was speaking it into existence. At that point I didn’t feel sad and I no longer regretted all of my past. I felt relieved. Before we left Deon leaned over to kiss me but I pulled away.
"Morning breath." I joked.
" I am prepared for 100 more mornings with you so give me your best shot." We kissed, we laughed, we loved.

"Did you give him some?" Melody burst into the bathroom as I was taking a shower. "Did you, I know you did." I ignored the question only to taunt her. " Girl please, I know you did, that’s why your ill funky ass up here taking a shower. You kinky too. On the rooftop bitch? I'm scared of you." I could do nothing but laugh.
" Melody, did it ever occur to your in-the-gutter-ass-mind that I just like to takes showers? Nothing happened, crazy ass." She gave me the bullshit-look. Melody would not give it a rest. So I told her everything that happened. Not that it was much.